The ins and outs

Dialysis is part of my vocabulary now. Words like hematocrit, phosphorous, and creatnine. Abbreviations like, KT/V, EPO. My husband and children are wonderful. They often see me at what I think is my worst. I can count on them for support. But there are times when I feel like its not fair to them to have a sick parent/spouse. They always remind me though, that they love me and want to help. I guess my pride won't allow it sometimes hehe. My mother, sister and brothers have been wonderful also. They help with childcare a lot and I am very thankful. I don't know maybe its hormones (or lack there-of) thats talking here.
All I know is that, God, has been so merciful to me. Did you know that a person with End Stage Renal Disease or Kidney Failure, who opts to NOT have some kind of dialysis, has at the most 14 days to live? Did you know, that every time a kidney patient goes on diaylsis, he or she is basically on a life-saving treatment and even then, the risks are substantial? I face this every time I get in my van and drive away from my home. The talks I've had with Jesus, usually sound like, "Oh Lord, I have to go, I know. I don't want to be away from home. I hate needles. But Lord, you blessed man-kind with the knowledge to develop this thing. You made a way. Help me to walk in it, even when I don't want to."
That may sound all elementary, but pain, I've found, causes me to do and say some strange things. One day at a time. With each breath comes a 'Thank You Jesus'. I ask myself constantly, "Self, why are you putting your poor body through this??"
I honestly believe it is because it is the right thing to do. "You hear that, Self?"

Alternative to cream?

Is there one? lately there's been one spot on my arm where the skin over my fistula is getting thinner. The tech tonight sort of warned be about using the cream in that area. Or at least she suggested that I not put any on there for a while. Great. That leaves just a few more places to put the needles at. I'm SO ready to start working on transplant. Its not even funny.