Heads up..

So, last night's run went well. I've been trying to get them to do a crit-line for a week now. Its sort of a test to see how much fluid remains in your blood during dialysis.

Didn't do too bad, well actually I've been getting off a little bit too low (or under) my dry weight. Which means whatever I came off last night IS IT!

Went home and didn't feel much like eating. Just wanted to hit the hay. Woke up in the middle of the night feeling weirdish.

Woke up again at around 4am, on my fistula arm! And bad news, it was numbish, like there was no blood flowing through the entire length of the arm. Felt for the 'thrill' (that buzzing feeling near the beginning of a fistula) and yes, it was still there.

Woke up again (notice, the waking pattern here) AND uh oh......NO THRILL! BAD bad bad news. Panic ensues, and I dial the on-call doctor at 5am! She finally calls back and she sounds.....upset. This is the first time this has ever happened to me. Feeling for the 'thrill' is such an ingrained part of being a dialysis patient, so when its not there, well....I totally freaked out.

Doc said to go back to sleep and call the clinic when they opened to arrange a de-clotting appointment at a nearby "Roto-Rooter" type place for people like me. And since its Saturday, its hard to get a hold of anyone. Davita told me not to eat anything for now (and thats quite a feat seeing that I haven't eaten since yesterday's lunch!).

Now that I remember, I think I slept on my arm without even realizing it! I know this happens all the time to dialysis patients, but I've read about some fistulas not clotting for like 20 years and more! Needless to say, I'm a bit peeved and disappointed in myself for letting this happen.

I've said that dialysis is a gift. It still is. God is still on the throne, I'm still alive. They say that your access (fistula, graft, permcath etc) is your lifeline. I agree that it is, (prepare for the 'buts').

My physical body needs this fistula to live. Yet I am reminded that Jesus is the lifeline that I can always depend on.

How I ended up on dialysis

*****This post is taken from my myspace page (YES i have one ok??)*****

Thursday, August 10, 2006
Catching up.....
Oh man where do I begin... ok guys.. I'm still sick... yeah. Don't get all depressed, I'm still alive and God is helping me fight this thing.. For those who don't know here's a bit of catching up.
In September of 2003 I made a doctor's appointment for a yearly physical exam. They usually do bloodwork and that sort if thing. A few days later, the doc calls me at home to come in ASAP. So, I go.
Prior to this, that year I had lost an astonishing 40 pounds in 6 months which was nice at first, but the nausea, lack of appetite, weakness, loss of color in my skin, just didn't seem normal. I mean, I practically died everytime I had to get up to even use the bathroom I was THAT weak.
Fast forward to the appointment. Well it wasn't good news. By some miracle I was still alive, but my kidney's were at a 9% functioning rate. And ladies and gents, that meant, they were failing.
To make a long story short, I have been on dialysis for about 3 years this coming September. It hasn't been easy and there has been a lot of changes, frustrations, fears, and all of what comes with facing sickness and yes even death. However, and this may sound like total complete nonsense, but through it all, God has been faithful to me. If there was any doubt that He exists, its gone. Because I am still here, still kickin, still alive. I'll end with a quote from my doctor that night he told me that my life would not be the same. He said, "You should be dead."
WHEW, swallow that one will ya?????

Everyday is a gift...

It's Friday yay!

That means no looking at the clock and fretting for 2 days. It means I can relax and enjoy the weekend. Thanking the good Lord that I've made it through another week of dialysis. Everyday is a precious gift from Him, a reminder of His grace and mercy.

There are no 'buts' or 'howevers' in this post. No, not today. Today, I will remember that dialysis is a gift. I will remember the people, the professionals who make all of it possible. They're unsung heroes, and I thank God for them.

Fridays are special in my house, because of Saturdays and Sundays. Saturdays and Sundays is when Mom, is....well Mom. She makes lovely meals, takes her kids out, cleans like a normal mom, none of this "stuff everything under the rug" business. Days where she can play dress up with her girls, play video games with her son, and chase her husband around the kitchen.

Fridays remind me that God has brought me through yet another 2 treatments without any major damage or incident. For any patient who has a 3 a week schedule, either TTS (Tuesday, Thursday, Friday) or MWF, the third one, the last one, before the 2 day break, is always the happiest one.

And we always hope that we take off more fluid than usual. We try not to take in too much the day before. We try to be good patients on that last day. And the techs notice. The nurses accomodate. The patients are all smiling and giddy.

Fridays (or Saturdays) are special, yes indeed.

But EVERYDAY, is a gift from God.

5 years, 42 days

Hello:)

This blog is for keeping track of the ups and downs of life on dialysis. Hence the craziness over there (<--).

If you are reading this, you're probably a family member, friend (or foe), an acquaintance, or just navigated here via google or other search engine. Whomever you are, thank you for visiting.